The allegations against the University of Michigan football team are spy-novel worthy. Allegedly, according to allegations, in great deference to libel and all that suit-worthy stuff, an attache with military experience was dressed not as a Wolverine (not the animal, just the school colors for Michigan coaching staff with the obligatory Nike icon), Allegedly dressed in opposing team garb, he hung around the opposing team as if he was a member of the coaching staff. Allegedly, no one noticed. No one’s interest was piqued enough to ask, “Who are you?”
The alleged undercover Wolverine’s purpose, allegedly, was to gather alleged intelligence on alleged planned offensive plays. Like baseball, gathering intelligence is permitted under NCAA rules only live and in person during an ongoing game. Unlike the NFL, college players do not have helmet equipment that permits coaches to speak to players directly during the game. Hence, alleged cheaters find a way.
Michigan denies the allegations, demands due process, and is shocked, shocked that anyone would think that Michigan Head Coach Jim Harbaugh would do such a thing or even allow such a thing to allegedly happen on his watch.
Nonetheless, a Michigan team analyst has tendered his resignation. In his alleged resignation letter the analyst referred to being an alleged distraction. When there is alleged video of alleged said analyst standing around among the opposite team in an earlier game (sunglassed though he was), the other members of the Big Ten are likely to have questions. Why, the universities have drawn on a computer science prof who is an expert in facial recognition. The good prof says the alleged analyst is “highly likely” the now former Michigan analyst.
Not to worry. Just like the Johnny-on-the-spot MLB, the NCAA is allegedy conducting its usual five-year investigation. Like MLB, the NCAA will issue a report. The report will confirm that the alleged cheating did indeed allegedly happen but unlike the ending in Romeo and Juliet alleged Shakespearean play, none will be punished.
Remember the Astros, allegedly.